What am I supposed to be learning about this confinement I’ve been subjected to? I’ve spent enough time alone to know that I don’t want to be alone anymore yet I am continually placed into circumstances in which I find only myself. God knows I love community and being around active cities. Why do I keep finding myself in sleepy towns – without my friends around? Even as I plan to move somewhere, I am pulled away as if conjoined to my despair shouting, “Don’t leave me!”
Sorry despair, I want to go. I’m done with you and your reminders of who I am. I am sick of myself. There I said it. I am sick and tired of me, myself, and, I. I am sick of talking to myself to keep from going insane. I am tired and warn out from tying keep myself entertained. I can’t do it anymore. Isn’t that someone else’s job?
God, why am I here? Is this some kind of test because I feel as if I am now failing... I feel as if I am worse of today than I was yesterday. Shouldn’t I be growing and changing?
I guess there is nowhere else to go but up from here.