Saturday, July 28, 2012

Where am I?

What am I supposed to be learning about this confinement I’ve been subjected to? I’ve spent enough time alone to know that I don’t want to be alone anymore yet I am continually placed into circumstances in which I find only myself. God knows I love community and being around active cities. Why do I keep finding myself in sleepy towns – without my friends around? Even as I plan to move somewhere, I am pulled away as if conjoined to my despair shouting, “Don’t leave me!”

Sorry despair, I want to go. I’m done with you and your reminders of who I am. I am sick of myself. There I said it. I am sick and tired of me, myself, and, I. I am sick of talking to myself to keep from going insane. I am tired and warn out from tying keep myself entertained. I can’t do it anymore. Isn’t that someone else’s job?

God, why am I here?  Is this some kind of test because I feel as if I am now failing... I feel as if I am worse of today than I was yesterday. Shouldn’t I be growing and changing?

I guess there is nowhere else to go but up from here.


  1. Been there. It's hard. It's painful.
    It doesn't last forever.

    A lot of the time, our isolation draws us closer to God and He provides us with everything that we need.
    Also, loneliness doesn't mean that you're alone.
    You were promised that you would never be left alone or forsaken.

    What else can I say that you've probably already heard before or felt?

    It'll be ok. Chin up. :)

    1. Thanks. It's hard being away for so long. Plus, this is coming from a place of true, physical pain. I've had a migraine for a week from post-concussion syndrome. I have not been at my best or brightest.